There was a pretty interesting set of posts by two well known startup investors that speaks to the importance of the right team/execution vs the business idea:
HERE
And HERE
Another great quote from Matt Ridley mentioned on Kevin Kelly's blog: "If the world continues as it is, it will end in disaster for all humanity. If all transport depends on oil, and oil runs out, then transport will cease. If agriculture continues to depend on irrigation and aquifers are depleted, then starvation will ensue. But notice the conditional: if. The world will not continue as it is. That is the whole point of human progress, the whole message of cultural evolution."
A great point made by energy expert Robert Rapier, which is along the same lines as Ridley's belief that our society will adapt to cope with resource shortages (crude oil in particular): On Modes of Transport
Kotaku has a post about ranking the top 10 video games of all time. They started with the top 10 on GameRankings.com and then let developers add and remove games. Link is HERE but here's my top 10:
1 Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
2 Halo
3 Starcraft
4 Super Mario 64
5 Goldeneye
6 Donkey Kong 64
7 Mario Kart 64
8 GTA III
9 Mortal Kombat
10 Tie: Contra and Super Mario World
Honorable mention: Street Fighter, Mega Man X, Castlevania, Bioshock, Final Fantasy X, Madden, NBA Jam, Crystalis, Killer Instinct, Illusion of Gaia, F-Zero, Starfox, Battlefield 1942, all the other Zeldas, Sonic, Banjo-Kazooie, Ken Griffey baseball, Super Baseball Simulator 1.000, and many others I have long forgotten I'm sure!)
March 24, 2011
March 13, 2011
I've been following the progress of Khan Academy for awhile now and I think they are doing some really interesting things in education. This TED talk is a must see:
Salman Khan TED talk
Salman Khan TED talk
February 7, 2011
The Society That Binds Us
Humans don't have particularly imposing physical attributes in comparison with a lot of other organisms, even those within our own mammalian class. Yet our population has grown from just a few million to nearly 7 BILLION in the last 12,000 years or so. Chimps have over 98% of their SNPs (considered the functional part of DNA) in common with us humans, yet they haven't exhibited the same level of explosive population growth and control of their surroundings. Some theorize that our social nature has been a key contributor of our ascent. Matt Ridley, in chapter 2 of his book "The Rational Optimist", makes the case that specialization and trade were the uniquely human construct that became the driving force behind our rise. Not large brains, opposable thumbs, cooking, toolmaking, communication, or unique genetics, all of which can be exhibited by other species. Granted these were also advantages that could have contributed, but Ridley believes these things alone were not enough to explain our meteoric rise.
Regardless of whether Ridley is right or not, it seems clear that humans are social beings with a long history of associating together and with generally positive outcomes for doing so over the long term. But our interdependence has even deeper implications, particularly economic ones, that I want to explore.
Today there is virtually no land in the world that is unclaimed by a sovereign state. There are very few anarchist settlements that are allowed to exist by these states. When a person is born today, they are born into a society with certain preexisting governing rules. Even those who live "off grid" are likely to come into contact with other people and in some time frame will be affected by the actions of other humans. Further, a person today is born into a preexisting set of economic and ecological conditions. Because of sheer population, private land and resource ownership, wealth and neighborhood disparity, high likelihood of an urban birth (where people are less likely to produce agricultural goods or be self sufficient), and other factors, every person's economic starting point is dictated by the structure of society. No one's economic fortune is independent from all other humans. There are individuals and agglomerations of individuals (corporations and other organizations such as governments) that control access to water, food, materials used for building, etc. All the things you need to survive in this world, and all the things you desire as you move up the rungs of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, must be earned by providing something of value to other humans (or given access to, by other humans). The human condition, now more than ever, is dependent on others. Dependent on others' wants, work, planning, charity, and connectivity. Currencies, governments, and central banks could fall but it likely wouldn't change this fact.
My observations suggest that most people's economic perspectives (and thus actions) are individualistic. We think a majority of transactions in society are zero sum, we're either a winner or a loser based on the most observable and immediate impact on us. We're focused on building our own wealth and usually don't think about how to enrich/improve collective well being. This is a pervasive and unfortunate mindset because the human race has the potential to eliminate much of the suffering that large parts of our population still experience. It is impossible to eliminate economic inequality (something I will write at length about in a later post), but that doesn't mean we can't elevate living standards just about everywhere.
Let me elaborate on this a little further. If my observations are correct, the average person makes their economic decisions in a fashion that leads to a "Nash Equilibrium". (You may remember Russell Crowe playing the mathematician who coined the concept, John Nash, in the movie "A Beautiful Mind"). In a non zero game/situation such as in a Prisoner's Dilemma or the general economy, a Nash Equilibrium will lead to a sub optimal outcome where the cumulative well being/payout is not maximized. Basically, with each player considering the options that the other players have, they come to the understanding that acting in their own self interest will benefit them to the detriment of other players. Instead of cooperating with other players to maximize the entire pie, each player assumes every other player will act in their own self interest and thus no one cooperates. The outcome is thus said to be pareto suboptimal. This fundamental problem has massive implications in many areas that touch your life. One of the subheadings for the Wikipedia entry for "Prisoners Dilemma" mentions Douglas Hofstadter's concept of superrationality, which in theory would provide an optimal AND maximizing (pareto efficient) solution to these types of problems. The answer lies in all participants understanding what choices maximize the benefits for everyone and believing that everyone will make these choices. That is the goal of this entire post, to try and spread the idea that the economy is not zero sum and thus every participant should try to maximize their well being by acting in concert with everyone else.
An economic blogger and professor named Gavin Kennedy squares this idea with that of Adam Smith's ideas that rational self interests and free markets push economies towards efficient allocations of resources in this blog entry. The particular quote I gravitate towards is this one: "The 'optimal joint result' requires us both to do that which is best for both of us, not what is best for us alone." Indeed, this seems like the most important caveat (or nuance, as Kennedy believes this is what Smith was actually trying to get across) to Smith's widely disseminated work.
Moving on. You probably hear a lot of references to the tough/bad/declining economy out in the world. Even Lil Wayne says he's "down like the economy" in his verse on Jay Sean's pop/R&B hit "Down". People like to refer to the economy as some nebulous external entity that drives our fortunes. In fact, it's just the opposite. The "economy" is driven by our collective wants, our work output, our trading. It's not impersonal. We are the economic agents and we control the strength or weakness of the economy. Everyone has a role to play. No one group controls its direction, even government. There is a limit to any one group's influence, even in socialist countries run by dictators. If someone tries to restrict production and trade, then a black market will flourish, people will emigrate heavily, or eventually enough people will revolt (peaceful or otherwise). Economies rise and fall sharply at times because of changes in human attitudes. In some sense it is a confidence game. If everyone becomes pessimistic and thinks our collective demand for goods and services will decline, it will create a vicious cycle of cutbacks. This is essentially what economists call the "Paradox of Thrift". Collective wants and needs can fall for other reasons, such as a huge natural disaster that incapacitates out ability to produce for one another, but more often it is our own collective psychological mood that dictates the trend of society's living standards.
That's why it's imperative that we think about our own economic well being as part of a larger collective well being. We need to focus energy on enlarging the overall pie, which may in fact enlarge our own little slice of that pie. The human population is still growing. And there has NEVER been a shortage of human desire to consume and attain better living standards. Yet we still have massive poverty in this world, even in developed countries! How crazy is that? Think about all the potential demand for products and services waiting to be unleashed in the world. Of course there are resource constraints, but perhaps all that means is that we need better problem solving and better planning. We may not have enough land and petroleum to have 25 billion people driving Hummers across town to pick up grass fed steaks every day, but we should certainly be able to keep a sustainable population of a few billion humans well fed. Americans certainly have some caloric energy to spare, but we'll leave that for another time! Don't forget the human population has enlarged our collective pie over the last several hundred years dramatically. This has been our track record, albeit at a pace that was held back by conflicts and misinformed ideologies. Optimism has proved beneficial in the medium to long term. Until the sun stops delivering a surplus of energy to our planet everyday, I don't see why this can't continue at some level.
Rising nationalism and isolationist tendencies appear to be brewing here in the US. It's ignorant, and it worries me. I agree that China's exchange rate policy needs to be addressed (although we have already been countering the imbalance by issuing so much debt to them). However, there is no reason a person in China (or anywhere else for that matter) shouldn't have the opportunity to create goods or services for people living in the US. By bringing their work into the system, they in turn become a potential consumer of goods and services delivered by Americans and other citizens throughout the world. Did you know that Chinese retail sales are growing at about 20% (year on year) currently? Chinese consumption is growing like mad, as we should expect! We must remember that nation borders are just a social construct anyway. Texans trade with Californians because of mutual benefit. The same is true for Texans and Chinese. The same was true for early settlers in the colonies. Trade balance statistics, currencies, government borrowing, and differing consumption/saving preferences obfuscate this mutual benefit, but I assure you that it exists. Here are two of my all time favorite quotes that nail the idea I am desperately trying to get across here:
"The advantage of trade with other countries is not that we can create domestic jobs by selling more to foreigners than they sell to us. Simply creating more jobs isn’t the key to a successful economy. Since our desire to consume will always exceed our ability to produce, there will never be a lack of work. A successful economy redirects people into the jobs that make best use of their productive abilities—that is, into the jobs that create the most value for consumers. This is the real advantage of international trade" (Dwight Lee in the Economic Insights publication from the Federal Reserve Bank of Dallas)
"...the "game" of international competition between countries, unlike between firms, cannot really be won. Any victory is only temporary, until its financial consequences become overwhelming. This is why no country ought to seek to outcompete the others. Raising productivity, innovating, and the rest is very good, of course, and should not be discouraged. But if a country is very successful at these things, it has a responsibility to the system as a whole to allow its costs to rise to the point that other countries are not crushed. Here is a different way to say the same thing, from the other side of the ledger. Germans want to save. Good! But if they save quite a lot, and if their government borrows relatively little, then the only thing they can do with these savings is buy foreign debt. This means that the value of German accounts depends on the financial health of these foreign borrowers. But there we are again: we are seeing what happens to the chronic borrowers when their credit runs out. In the end, what the surplus countries have to see is nothing more than the laws of accounting, that someone's surplus and savings is necessarily someone else's deficit. Firms do not have to worry about this, but societies do." (Peter Dorman from the EconoSpeak blog)
It's worth saying again: there has NEVER been a shortage of human desire to consume and attain better living standards. That will likely always be the case. So let's go forth with that knowledge and become superrational economic beings. Let's focus our attention on working together to increase the overall economic pie, on trade and cooperation. That is the way forward my friends.
Regardless of whether Ridley is right or not, it seems clear that humans are social beings with a long history of associating together and with generally positive outcomes for doing so over the long term. But our interdependence has even deeper implications, particularly economic ones, that I want to explore.
Today there is virtually no land in the world that is unclaimed by a sovereign state. There are very few anarchist settlements that are allowed to exist by these states. When a person is born today, they are born into a society with certain preexisting governing rules. Even those who live "off grid" are likely to come into contact with other people and in some time frame will be affected by the actions of other humans. Further, a person today is born into a preexisting set of economic and ecological conditions. Because of sheer population, private land and resource ownership, wealth and neighborhood disparity, high likelihood of an urban birth (where people are less likely to produce agricultural goods or be self sufficient), and other factors, every person's economic starting point is dictated by the structure of society. No one's economic fortune is independent from all other humans. There are individuals and agglomerations of individuals (corporations and other organizations such as governments) that control access to water, food, materials used for building, etc. All the things you need to survive in this world, and all the things you desire as you move up the rungs of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, must be earned by providing something of value to other humans (or given access to, by other humans). The human condition, now more than ever, is dependent on others. Dependent on others' wants, work, planning, charity, and connectivity. Currencies, governments, and central banks could fall but it likely wouldn't change this fact.
My observations suggest that most people's economic perspectives (and thus actions) are individualistic. We think a majority of transactions in society are zero sum, we're either a winner or a loser based on the most observable and immediate impact on us. We're focused on building our own wealth and usually don't think about how to enrich/improve collective well being. This is a pervasive and unfortunate mindset because the human race has the potential to eliminate much of the suffering that large parts of our population still experience. It is impossible to eliminate economic inequality (something I will write at length about in a later post), but that doesn't mean we can't elevate living standards just about everywhere.
Let me elaborate on this a little further. If my observations are correct, the average person makes their economic decisions in a fashion that leads to a "Nash Equilibrium". (You may remember Russell Crowe playing the mathematician who coined the concept, John Nash, in the movie "A Beautiful Mind"). In a non zero game/situation such as in a Prisoner's Dilemma or the general economy, a Nash Equilibrium will lead to a sub optimal outcome where the cumulative well being/payout is not maximized. Basically, with each player considering the options that the other players have, they come to the understanding that acting in their own self interest will benefit them to the detriment of other players. Instead of cooperating with other players to maximize the entire pie, each player assumes every other player will act in their own self interest and thus no one cooperates. The outcome is thus said to be pareto suboptimal. This fundamental problem has massive implications in many areas that touch your life. One of the subheadings for the Wikipedia entry for "Prisoners Dilemma" mentions Douglas Hofstadter's concept of superrationality, which in theory would provide an optimal AND maximizing (pareto efficient) solution to these types of problems. The answer lies in all participants understanding what choices maximize the benefits for everyone and believing that everyone will make these choices. That is the goal of this entire post, to try and spread the idea that the economy is not zero sum and thus every participant should try to maximize their well being by acting in concert with everyone else.
An economic blogger and professor named Gavin Kennedy squares this idea with that of Adam Smith's ideas that rational self interests and free markets push economies towards efficient allocations of resources in this blog entry. The particular quote I gravitate towards is this one: "The 'optimal joint result' requires us both to do that which is best for both of us, not what is best for us alone." Indeed, this seems like the most important caveat (or nuance, as Kennedy believes this is what Smith was actually trying to get across) to Smith's widely disseminated work.
Moving on. You probably hear a lot of references to the tough/bad/declining economy out in the world. Even Lil Wayne says he's "down like the economy" in his verse on Jay Sean's pop/R&B hit "Down". People like to refer to the economy as some nebulous external entity that drives our fortunes. In fact, it's just the opposite. The "economy" is driven by our collective wants, our work output, our trading. It's not impersonal. We are the economic agents and we control the strength or weakness of the economy. Everyone has a role to play. No one group controls its direction, even government. There is a limit to any one group's influence, even in socialist countries run by dictators. If someone tries to restrict production and trade, then a black market will flourish, people will emigrate heavily, or eventually enough people will revolt (peaceful or otherwise). Economies rise and fall sharply at times because of changes in human attitudes. In some sense it is a confidence game. If everyone becomes pessimistic and thinks our collective demand for goods and services will decline, it will create a vicious cycle of cutbacks. This is essentially what economists call the "Paradox of Thrift". Collective wants and needs can fall for other reasons, such as a huge natural disaster that incapacitates out ability to produce for one another, but more often it is our own collective psychological mood that dictates the trend of society's living standards.
That's why it's imperative that we think about our own economic well being as part of a larger collective well being. We need to focus energy on enlarging the overall pie, which may in fact enlarge our own little slice of that pie. The human population is still growing. And there has NEVER been a shortage of human desire to consume and attain better living standards. Yet we still have massive poverty in this world, even in developed countries! How crazy is that? Think about all the potential demand for products and services waiting to be unleashed in the world. Of course there are resource constraints, but perhaps all that means is that we need better problem solving and better planning. We may not have enough land and petroleum to have 25 billion people driving Hummers across town to pick up grass fed steaks every day, but we should certainly be able to keep a sustainable population of a few billion humans well fed. Americans certainly have some caloric energy to spare, but we'll leave that for another time! Don't forget the human population has enlarged our collective pie over the last several hundred years dramatically. This has been our track record, albeit at a pace that was held back by conflicts and misinformed ideologies. Optimism has proved beneficial in the medium to long term. Until the sun stops delivering a surplus of energy to our planet everyday, I don't see why this can't continue at some level.
Rising nationalism and isolationist tendencies appear to be brewing here in the US. It's ignorant, and it worries me. I agree that China's exchange rate policy needs to be addressed (although we have already been countering the imbalance by issuing so much debt to them). However, there is no reason a person in China (or anywhere else for that matter) shouldn't have the opportunity to create goods or services for people living in the US. By bringing their work into the system, they in turn become a potential consumer of goods and services delivered by Americans and other citizens throughout the world. Did you know that Chinese retail sales are growing at about 20% (year on year) currently? Chinese consumption is growing like mad, as we should expect! We must remember that nation borders are just a social construct anyway. Texans trade with Californians because of mutual benefit. The same is true for Texans and Chinese. The same was true for early settlers in the colonies. Trade balance statistics, currencies, government borrowing, and differing consumption/saving preferences obfuscate this mutual benefit, but I assure you that it exists. Here are two of my all time favorite quotes that nail the idea I am desperately trying to get across here:
"The advantage of trade with other countries is not that we can create domestic jobs by selling more to foreigners than they sell to us. Simply creating more jobs isn’t the key to a successful economy. Since our desire to consume will always exceed our ability to produce, there will never be a lack of work. A successful economy redirects people into the jobs that make best use of their productive abilities—that is, into the jobs that create the most value for consumers. This is the real advantage of international trade" (Dwight Lee in the Economic Insights publication from the Federal Reserve Bank of Dallas)
"...the "game" of international competition between countries, unlike between firms, cannot really be won. Any victory is only temporary, until its financial consequences become overwhelming. This is why no country ought to seek to outcompete the others. Raising productivity, innovating, and the rest is very good, of course, and should not be discouraged. But if a country is very successful at these things, it has a responsibility to the system as a whole to allow its costs to rise to the point that other countries are not crushed. Here is a different way to say the same thing, from the other side of the ledger. Germans want to save. Good! But if they save quite a lot, and if their government borrows relatively little, then the only thing they can do with these savings is buy foreign debt. This means that the value of German accounts depends on the financial health of these foreign borrowers. But there we are again: we are seeing what happens to the chronic borrowers when their credit runs out. In the end, what the surplus countries have to see is nothing more than the laws of accounting, that someone's surplus and savings is necessarily someone else's deficit. Firms do not have to worry about this, but societies do." (Peter Dorman from the EconoSpeak blog)
It's worth saying again: there has NEVER been a shortage of human desire to consume and attain better living standards. That will likely always be the case. So let's go forth with that knowledge and become superrational economic beings. Let's focus our attention on working together to increase the overall economic pie, on trade and cooperation. That is the way forward my friends.
February 1, 2011
Modern Day Complaints
Cracked isn't something that typically makes my reading list, but I saw this article on Digg and thought it was worth sharing.
It's sort of in the vein of Chapter 1 of The Rational Optimist. I'm still going to complain about all the autotuned pop crap being played on the radio.
It's sort of in the vein of Chapter 1 of The Rational Optimist. I'm still going to complain about all the autotuned pop crap being played on the radio.
January 24, 2011
The Pace of Change is Accelerating
So I haven't abandoned the blog after just two posts. I've been working on two other long entries, one of which should be ready to post in the next couple of days. It's also been a bit busy as of late. In the future though I'm going to aim to crank out entries more often, rather than trying to perfect entries. I do like to let the deeper, more complex topics crystallize over time so I give all the intricacies proper thought. Does anyone else out there have trouble with repeatedly editing, adding, deleting, and re-editing when writing? Maybe it works better if I just let my stream of consciousness take over the keyboard?
In any case, I wanted to post a recurring thought I keep having: I am blown away by just how profound of an impact the internet is having on the collective brain of mankind. At times I am little aware of the substantial gains in productivity in my own life from having things like Google and Wikipedia as an extension of my brain. But the impact is indeed massive. And collectively, the impact is even more significant. The internet is spreading ideas and commerce more quickly than ever before. New business models and websites pop up daily that disrupt old inefficient tasks. Corrupt governments and organizations are more likely to be outed/challenged by groups of people who are communicating and connecting. People are finding their own niche communities. Experts are finding one another and sharing thoughts/research. People with ordinary IQs and memory banks can utilize the internet to harness collective intelligence on just about any subject that pops up. Are we truly on the verge of the Singularity, where increasingly fast technological progress is leading us to super-intelligence? Some days I really think so. Other days I think about the ways in which certain human emotions and biases counteract this progress. The Glenn Becks of the world stand right in our path (they are better able to connect with their niche of followers after all). The proliferation of information also gives rise to new problems in filtering, searching, and authentication. Further, with information at the push of a button, we face the proposition that deep, nuanced understanding of a subject is giving way to quick and superficial understanding which is less valuable.
Still, I feel as if my own understanding of the world is growing at an accelerated rate (and I cannot be special in that regard). I am not only better able to understand certain subjects, but I am better able to assess what I do not know (the known unknown), what it will take to gain understanding, and what the opportunity cost of gaining that understanding is. I can see more connections across subject areas. Some might call it metacognition. Part of this is a function of my age, of accumulating more experiences over time. But it is also partly a result of this information enabler (the internet), the pace of change it has created, and the new tools that I have added to my disposal almost daily (case in point, I transmitted an edit to this post from my cell phone). Sometimes it makes me feel uneasy or inferior. There are kids growing up in generations behind me who can leapfrog me in certain skill areas and usage of certain tools because they grow up not using the outdated stuff that I learned on. It also gives me a view on how much knowledge exists out there, how much I still do not understand, how much time it would take to better understand everything, the enormity of all the data, books, thoughts, writings, equations, etc. And of course it also exposes me to and makes me aware of the millions upon millions of humans who have tendencies towards ignorance and hatred, or who don't want to see progress, or want to take advantage/mislead others, and so forth. On some occasions these thoughts often lead me to the question "What's the point of this technological progress and explosion of human capability? We haven't figured out how to create a human utopia. We all end up just breathing, eating, procreating, and dying anyway...so what's the point?" Then I bring myself back down to Earth and remember that questions like that don't really have answers. Humanity does have a track record over the long haul of making things better and more accessible for larger numbers of humans. For most of us there is increasing choice and a better existence. Above all, existence is preferable to not existing. I think therefore I am, and because I am, I should continue to be. I want to live a life full of good and interesting experiences, minimize the bad, and find a way to contribute to a better existence for current and future mankind.
So my reading list grows and my technology habits morph. I try to anticipate how society will change so I can best adapt. Change is inevitable. It's also pretty exciting. What kind of beings will we be in 50 years? Will we be living until we're 150 years old? 200 years old? If so, what does that mean for our social constructs regarding resource allocation, assisted suicide, birth control, religion, nation states, energy and food production, space exploration, etc? What role will robots play? What will our attitudes be towards other animals/species? What goals and worries will preoccupy our thoughts? I hope to be writing in 50 years about just how little I knew or understood in 2011, and how fast and far the world changed for the better.
Anyone else thinking about these things? Anyone else blown away by the changes you see taking place on a daily basis and noticing how you yourself are changing?
I'll leave you with Louis CK's classic diatribe:
In any case, I wanted to post a recurring thought I keep having: I am blown away by just how profound of an impact the internet is having on the collective brain of mankind. At times I am little aware of the substantial gains in productivity in my own life from having things like Google and Wikipedia as an extension of my brain. But the impact is indeed massive. And collectively, the impact is even more significant. The internet is spreading ideas and commerce more quickly than ever before. New business models and websites pop up daily that disrupt old inefficient tasks. Corrupt governments and organizations are more likely to be outed/challenged by groups of people who are communicating and connecting. People are finding their own niche communities. Experts are finding one another and sharing thoughts/research. People with ordinary IQs and memory banks can utilize the internet to harness collective intelligence on just about any subject that pops up. Are we truly on the verge of the Singularity, where increasingly fast technological progress is leading us to super-intelligence? Some days I really think so. Other days I think about the ways in which certain human emotions and biases counteract this progress. The Glenn Becks of the world stand right in our path (they are better able to connect with their niche of followers after all). The proliferation of information also gives rise to new problems in filtering, searching, and authentication. Further, with information at the push of a button, we face the proposition that deep, nuanced understanding of a subject is giving way to quick and superficial understanding which is less valuable.
Still, I feel as if my own understanding of the world is growing at an accelerated rate (and I cannot be special in that regard). I am not only better able to understand certain subjects, but I am better able to assess what I do not know (the known unknown), what it will take to gain understanding, and what the opportunity cost of gaining that understanding is. I can see more connections across subject areas. Some might call it metacognition. Part of this is a function of my age, of accumulating more experiences over time. But it is also partly a result of this information enabler (the internet), the pace of change it has created, and the new tools that I have added to my disposal almost daily (case in point, I transmitted an edit to this post from my cell phone). Sometimes it makes me feel uneasy or inferior. There are kids growing up in generations behind me who can leapfrog me in certain skill areas and usage of certain tools because they grow up not using the outdated stuff that I learned on. It also gives me a view on how much knowledge exists out there, how much I still do not understand, how much time it would take to better understand everything, the enormity of all the data, books, thoughts, writings, equations, etc. And of course it also exposes me to and makes me aware of the millions upon millions of humans who have tendencies towards ignorance and hatred, or who don't want to see progress, or want to take advantage/mislead others, and so forth. On some occasions these thoughts often lead me to the question "What's the point of this technological progress and explosion of human capability? We haven't figured out how to create a human utopia. We all end up just breathing, eating, procreating, and dying anyway...so what's the point?" Then I bring myself back down to Earth and remember that questions like that don't really have answers. Humanity does have a track record over the long haul of making things better and more accessible for larger numbers of humans. For most of us there is increasing choice and a better existence. Above all, existence is preferable to not existing. I think therefore I am, and because I am, I should continue to be. I want to live a life full of good and interesting experiences, minimize the bad, and find a way to contribute to a better existence for current and future mankind.
So my reading list grows and my technology habits morph. I try to anticipate how society will change so I can best adapt. Change is inevitable. It's also pretty exciting. What kind of beings will we be in 50 years? Will we be living until we're 150 years old? 200 years old? If so, what does that mean for our social constructs regarding resource allocation, assisted suicide, birth control, religion, nation states, energy and food production, space exploration, etc? What role will robots play? What will our attitudes be towards other animals/species? What goals and worries will preoccupy our thoughts? I hope to be writing in 50 years about just how little I knew or understood in 2011, and how fast and far the world changed for the better.
Anyone else thinking about these things? Anyone else blown away by the changes you see taking place on a daily basis and noticing how you yourself are changing?
I'll leave you with Louis CK's classic diatribe:
December 28, 2010
Ironman Arizona - Race Report
These days a lot of people are making a bucket list, a list of things they want to do before they die. I've certainly got a list floating around in my mind. On November 21st 2010 I checked a huge box on my bucket list: the Ironman. It was surprisingly more difficult than I even ever imagined it being. It truly did push me to my limits. But when I crossed the finish line after 16 hours and 41 minutes, I was absolutely euphoric. 2.4 miles in the water, 112 miles on the bike, and 26.2 miles on foot. I didn't set any records or qualify for any championships, but I beat the clock and I beat the beast. No one can ever take this away from me because I earned it.
I have always loved playing sports and always had a passion for running. Once I got to college I kept pounds off by playing IM sports but otherwise I wasn't racing. Once out of school, I started working and began to feel my metabolism start to slow down. I wasn't eating all that great, and sitting at a desk all day wasn't doing my physique any favors. I did happen to be working with a group of dudes who shared my passion for getting outdoors and maximizing the little free time we had to try cool stuff like whitewater rafting, mountain biking, snowboarding, etc. And that's precisely when the triathlon bug bit me. Our group decided to try our hand at an Olympic distance triathlon, and despite probably being a tad under trained (I cramped during most of the run), we all finished and loved the experience. Maybe it was the fierce competitor in me, but I knew I wanted to keep going with it. I did a few more races, spent way too much money on gear, and dove right into triathlon culture. Our group even made t-shirts calling ourselves the High Sigma crew (a nod to statistical outliers) with a quote from Desiree Ficker, a pro triathlete on the back: "If it's hurting us, it's killing them". It wasn't long before I was DVRing NBC's coverage of the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii and asking myself if it was sane to think about finishing an Ironman myself. This video answered that question for me:
So it came to pass that in 2009 I signed up for Ironman Arizona 2010, knowing that I was committing to something that took extraordinary training and mental toughness. Mentally I was ready, but in early 2010 problems started to surface physically. I had been getting my weekly long bike rides up to 80-100 miles and my long runs up to about 16 miles. Then pain struck me in my right kneecap. I couldn't run more than a mile without feeling the inside of my right knee rubbing on cartilage. I battled this problem by reducing my running, stretching, foam rolling, seeing a plethora of doctors, getting MRIs, seeing a PT, etc until I had exhausted just about everything. The knee problems would sometimes seem to go away a little bit, only to return. Further into the year I began to also have problems with my lower back and glutes, pain around my sacrum, and what felt like a nerve entrapment near the adductor canal in my right leg. MRIs, neurological tests, and ultrasounds came back clear. There's a story worth telling here about finding out what I believe may be the crux of the issues and something that I am potentially on the verge of solving in the next couple of weeks, but I will leave that for later. Suffice it to say that 2.5 months prior to the Ironman, I quit biking and running altogether. I was swimming regularly to keep some level of fitness, but I did not believe that would be enough to carry me through the Ironman distance in the allotted 17 hour time frame.
Because I had already paid the entry fee, the flight, and the lodging out in Tempe, AZ, I decided I would at least head out there to support my training teammates and experience the swim portion of the race. I also had a rollover for bike shipping so I figured I would use it to send my bike out there and maybe bike part of the course. When I arrived in Tempe on Thursday morning, the weather was fantastic. It was a little chillier than it had been in prior weeks and getting pretty cold at night, but there were no clouds to be found. In the sun it was warm and the air was crisp. I thought this boded well for race day. I would be wrong of course.
I happened to share a flight with some of my teammates, including Travis M. who graciously gave me a ride back to the condo I had secured a room at. My condo mates were Chris G., Kevin B., and Veronica C. I absolutely could not have asked for better roomies, especially for my first IM. Kevin and Veronica were seasoned IMers, and although Chris was a first timer like me, he is one of the most meticulous planners I have ever met. Any concerns or questions I had about the race or stuff leading up to the race could be answered in full by these guys. As an added bonus, there were tons of other great Austinites who were hanging around or in our condo as well. Guys like Kevin R., Amit B., Brian R., Eric C., Matt R., John J., etc etc. We registered, bought IM gear, shared stories, ate meals of food, grabbed last minute gear, took some team pictures, and so forth from Thursday to Saturday evening. Our condo at Dorsey was also about a mile away from the race start, so logistically things were about perfect leading up to the race. Well everything except my bum knee that was still bothering me even though I hadn't been running or biking much at all. I actually woke up on Friday with some soreness in my left (other) knee, which I think must have just been from sleeping on it wrong somehow. In my head I remember thinking that there was no way I could finish an Ironman with these problems going on, and yet I knew I would be so disappointed if I did not because everyone around me was going to finish and cherish the experience. Still, overall my spirits were high as the atmosphere around IMAZ was awesome. The pre race banquet the night before the race featured an 80 year old nun, Sister Madonna Buder, who would be attempting to create a new age group by finishing. The pro field was stacked with big name triathletes. I even won some sweet sunglasses from Tribe Multisport, a great tri shop in Scottsdale. By Saturday night though, things were getting quiet and introspective all around me.
I woke up easily at the scheduled 3AM wakeup call. The race start wasn't until 7AM, but there was still food and hydration to be had, "special needs" bags to be dropped off, and various other last minute preps. We awoke to 48 degree temperatures outside, which for someone like me who HATES the cold, was a real punch in the gut. Water temps would only be about 60 degrees for our 2.4 mile swim. I had swum in 55 degree temps or so at Escape From Alcatraz, but that was with a full wetsuit. I also had brain freeze headaches for a few minutes at Alcatraz even with a neoprene cap. I had only brought my sleeveless wetsuit to Tempe because my old full suit was pretty much toast and the water temps had been much warmer even a week or two before. This made for a brutal start. We were shouted at to "GET IN THE WATER!" several minutes before the starting pistol went off due to the nature of the mass start where everyone began in the water. My energy was already being depleted before the gun went off. I don't recall getting brain freeze headaches, but perhaps it was because my goggles were leaking at the start and I was so focused on fixing that. I managed to reduce the leak just before the gun went off, which was a huge relief. Multiple miles of swimming without vision, in a sea of 2000+ other humans crammed into a tight river, would have been a nightmare. It really ended up being somewhat of a nightmare anyway, just a little less so! Although I had experienced tight swimming conditions in other races, nothing compared to the washing machine at IMAZ. I was literally kicked, clawed, and punched repeatedly for the first 10 minutes of the swim. Some of the claw marks were visible for days. I was somewhat mentally prepared for it after hearing stories from others about the "washing machine", but I still underestimated the energy that it took to fight people off and keep a straight line. When we hit turn buoys, the crowd would bunch up again, trying to keep their swim distance as efficient as possible and creating the same havoc experienced at the start. When I found open water in the first half of the swim, I felt great. I was focusing on my form and trying to remind myself to not swim too hard. By the time I had reached the turnaround of the swim (it was an out and back), I started to feel the effects of all the fighting. I was more tired than I expected to be after swimming less than 1.5 miles. But I wasn't going to stop, so I just kept swimming. By the 2 mile mark I really felt the need to pee but for some reason couldn't get it out while swimming and I wasn't going to stop in the sea of swimmers. I was also starting to feel the bite of the cold as I tired. Once I saw the swim finish I was definitely ready to be out of the water. I hoisted myself out, and that's when my first REAL troubles began.
I don't remember the wetsuit stripping, but it certainly happened, and I immediately began shaking and shivering. It was so bad that I couldn't talk normally and my arms were actually cramping. A volunteer helped me into the changing tent which felt 10 degrees warmer and that started to help me a little bit. Thankfully this volunteer helped me gather my bike gear as my teeth chattered and I shook Pure Sport all over my face/chest. Looking back, I may have been a little bit hypothermic. It took me over 20 minutes to transition from the swim to bike, which is an eternity in just about any race. But I wanted to see how far I could bike, so I finally got out of the damn tent.
I began the 112 miles on the bike at a really slow pace, not only to test my knee but also to rehydrate and get some calories in. For some odd reason (the cold perhaps?) my legs started cramping about 2 miles out on the bike. I got off the bike, stretched a little bit and took some salt/electrolyte pills. After a minute or two I got back on and fought off the cramps for a couple miles until they mostly went away for good. My knee felt a little funny for the first loop of the bike (each loop was about 37-38 miles) but by the second loop it felt fine. I never really noticed it after the first loop, which I never expected. It was a mini race day miracle. It did start raining on the first loop however, which just made me laugh. Here we were in the desert, where it almost never rains, and it was f**king raining? We had perfect skies for days prior to the race and after the race, but of course not on actual race day. A mean headwind was also developing on the return portion of the bike loop. Bikers were gritting their teeth on the opposite side of the road and I knew it would soon be my turn. I took care to stop at most of the aid stations so I could stretch my legs for a second and take in some more calories. I knew the stretches would be needed for these legs that hadn't biked 100+ miles in several months. I also knew I had to eat several thousand calories on the bike so I just kept eating every few miles. I hate gels and stuck to solid foods (bars, bananas, oranges, sandwiches, chips, trail mix, etc) and that worked perfectly for me. That theme pretty much stayed true throughout my race. I more or less nailed nutrition by being consistent and eating foods I normally would in my everyday routine. I also threw in salt pills, salty foods, and some Ironman Perform drink they had at the aid stations whenever I felt like the cramps might be about ready to roar back.
I was pumped when I finished the first loop, especially as the crowd was so awesome back in town. Coach Mo, Kevin R, Kevin B, Chris Sellers, Jan, and a host of others were there shouting at me to keep going hard. It absolutely made a difference in my effort and motivation. This was key, because the second loop did soon begin to give me physical trouble. My legs started to really ache at about the 50 mile mark. No matter, I expected this and I suspected that barring some knee problem or unforeseen collapse that I could finish the bike. I kept doing pace calculations in my head, and I was pretty certain that I could make the bike cutoff at 5:30pm if things didn't totally fall apart. I was stopping at every aid station at this point to try to release the tightness in my legs, use the bathroom (#1 only for me all day, thankfully...those portas get gnarly), etc. It was costing me time, but I figured in order to beat the cutoff I needed to stave off major cramps and other big problems that could cost me more time later. The headwind really SUCKED on the way back in on the second bike loop. I'm guessing I was averaging around 10-12mph on that portion (left the bike computer at home of course), which felt like I was moving through mud. Once again though, when I hit the crowd at the end of the second loop I got a boost of adrenaline/energy/optimism and I mouthed to Kevin R, "one more, here we go, one more". I headed back out on the final loop, and there were scores of people finishing their third loop but I shook that off. I had to focus on me.
I wanted to push a little bit hard on the third loop to make sure I beat the bike cutoff, but also to see if I could make it in by 5 PM which would give me about 7 hours to do the marathon. I knew speed walking a marathon could be done in under 7 hours. It was at that point that I realized finishing the entire Ironman was in the realm of possibility. Despite my legs, back, and other body parts feeling completely destroyed, I found a way to push that third loop pretty aggressively. I made very quick stops at a couple of the aid stations on the way out of town, but support was thinning out too. I saw fewer and fewer bikers around me. It got pretty desolate out in the desert near the turn around point. The turn around point also seemed further on the third loop than any other. As I hit the turn around and started coming back, I saw some trucks picking up stuff from the race site and preparing to sweep competitors off the course. Yup, the cutoff was getting close for those still not at the turn around. I was PISSED when I saw that the bike special needs station had closed despite me being there well before the sag wagons started picking people up. I really wanted another couple bites of my PB and honey sandwich. Oh well, it just made me push even harder. I came in to the bike finish, with a big group of supporters still cheering me on, at about 5PM on the nose. I had just under 7 hours to do the marathon and I would be an Ironman.
My bike-run transition was on the slow side as I used the bathroom, changed, got some more fluids, and made sure I didn't cramp putting on my shoes and running shorts. But then I was off. I had my Polar watch and footpod so I could track my pace and distance. I noticed right away that a brisk walk put me at about a 13-14 minute mile pace. I also noticed that any attempt at running hurt my right knee in the same tender spot and also provoked pain on the outside of my left knee which must have been due to those muscles being undertrained for a 112 mile bike ride and subsequent run/jog. I could hobble jog for about 10 steps before the pain was too much to bear. I figured I was better off speed walking the whole marathon unless I absolutely needed to hobble jog. I just had to keep moving at that pace because there wasn't much cushion between my estimated finish time and the midnight cutoff.
Now, I am not a marathoner, but I have certainly run my fair share of miles. And I never thought much of walking as an exercise. BUT, I can tell you that walking a marathon is one of the hardest things I have ever done. Granted it was after all that swimming and biking, but I think even a standalone walk-marathon could be very very challenging physically and MENTALLY. The first 8-9 mile loop (of 3 run loops total) was not too difficult, just LONG. Due to fatigue and occasional aid station stops for fluids/calories my pace dropped to 15-16 minutes per mile by the end of the first loop. My first loop took about 2 hours and 20 minutes. That is a long time to be walking, especially on a day of intense exercise that started 12 hours prior. And I knew I had 2 more loops like that to go. It was dark by the end of my first loop. Many competitors were already finishing their entire marathon/Ironman. I knew I had 4+ hours of this still to go. I saw Veronica C briefly at the beginning of my second run loop (the start of her third loop) and that gave my morale a slight boost. We chatted briefly until she shot back off into the night. Then I noticed I was starting to feel pain on the bottom of my feet and toes. Blisters perhaps. SHIT! I had forgotten to Body Glide or double-sock my feet. This would turn out to be a huge mistake. Every step I took began to reverberate in my knees and my feet. But I still had miles and miles to go. I kept passing aid stations and the volunteers, God bless them, were absolutely awesome and helpful, but they also kept saying "Good job! You're almost done!". Of course I knew that I really wasn't almost done. I would see them again in a couple hours (if they hadn't already left for the comfort of their homes yet). It was very tough mentally to block out negatives that kept popping up in my head. To counteract these thoughts I kept telling myself (sometimes out loud): "You're going to finish this thing. You're going to gut this thing out no matter what. You're going to be a f**king Ironman"
It was about that time too, as I crossed one of the bridges, that Coach Mo and Dr Sellers found me and were telling me "just keep moving, you can finish this". They'd cross over the course at the myriad of bridges I was traversing to find me every few miles and give me mental support. I wasn't able to verbalize it to them at the time, but it meant the world to me during the race. By the end of the second loop, the aid station workers that dressed up as Reno 911 characters were just assholes to me. They were funny/entertaining on the first loop of course. But their grilled hamburgers and beers were making me consider what was to be had by quitting this long journey in progress. Also giving me fits was the fact that the run special needs people had handed me my bag (not the items inside) and I had been carrying the stupid plastic bag full of stuff in my hand for the entire second loop. It had clothing items I didn't want to throw away so I was forced to carry the damn thing for several hours until I came back around to shove it back in the damn dropoff box. At the end of the second loop and the beginning of the third loop, my body and mind were shattered but I had 2 hours and 45 minutes before the midnight cutoff. I stopped for a second to make sure I wanted to go for that last loop. Then I started my speed walk for one last loop, with no competitors in sight and the sounds of Ironmen finishing behind me.
The third loop was all mental. I now know what "mind over matter" truly means. It's not a bullshit colloquialism to me anymore. Every step of that third run loop hurt me. Each time I put my foot forward on the ground, the racquetball sized blisters on my feet and heels made it feel like someone was lighting my feet on fire. My knees and quads had been toasted several hours prior. By putting my feet one in front of the other, despite the pain, I was able to get to a place where the pain no longer registered in my mind in the same way. It was bizarre. I could still feel all those spots, but my brain accepted that the signals weren't going to be heeded. I wasn't stopping now. I was mildly worried about making the time cutoff, given that any need to stop could kill the 20 minutes or so of cushion I had with my pace. In one dark corner of the course, when no one was within sight of me, I actually peed into the bushes while continuing to walk. That's how committed I was to finishing. I walk-peed because I didn't want to stop for 1 minute at the porta!!! Do what you gotta do, right? With several miles still to go (which was 45 minutes to an hour time-wise at my pace) I saw Chris G. working his way through the last mile or so of his Ironman. I was really glad to know that he was about to be an Ironman finisher. He certainly worked his ass off for it. I ventured for the last time through the dark, hilly neighborhood with about 3 miles to go, and my only companions were my thoughts. I thought about my grandmother who used to live out here in AZ but passed away too young. I wished she could see my finish and wondered if in some sense she could. The thought of her, if not some spirit of her, gave me some comfort and motivation for the final push. There were few spectators left on this part of the course, but just before the Reno 911 aid station with about 2 miles to go, Coach Mo and Dr Sellers once again appeared. Heck yeah, thanks guys, you were right, I was going to finish this.
As I got back into the lights of downtown Tempe, passed the ASU stadium, and neared the winding path from the back of the expo to the street where the finish chute sat, I began to ready myself for the final push. I wanted to see if I could run (jog) through the finish chute. Nope, knees were saying no. Then I got to the street with the chute around the corner, I could hear the crowd yelling, my eyes were welling up with tears, and I was thinking "screw the knees"! I started jogging, which was really just a gimpy shuffle, and turned the corner. There was the chute, 50 meters ahead. The crowd was unbelievable, still packed to the brim on both sides of the chute. My vision blurred from the adrenaline and I started pumping my fists and shouting "YEEEEEEAAAAAAAH!!!!!" "YEEEEEAAAAHHHH!!!!". I crossed the line. I. WAS. AN. IRONMAN! I sort of blacked out as I finished. I remember seeing teammates, Chris, the Kevins, Veronica, Coach Mo, Dr Sellers all sort of at once and in a blur. I wanted to high five them all but I also had to take my finisher photo, get my finisher gear, and get off my legs. The whole thing was a whirlwind. It was bad-freaking-ass.
Post race I received some killer attention from a volunteer/PT, Larry J. Within 5 minutes I was so stiff I could barely walk, but he loosened me up enough to get back to the car where the roomies so patiently waited. Larry J, if you ever read this, thank you again for the post race treatment and I think it's cool that we shared similar Ironman finishing stories/times. Also thank you roomies and supporters for waiting for my finish despite being completely exhausted yourselves. I took 16 hours, 41 minutes, and 15 seconds, a time which beat the cutoff by less than 20 minutes. It was a journey that I will cherish for a lifetime. Whenever something difficult comes up, I'll say to myself "yeah, this sucks, but you finished an Ironman...this is a piece of cake compared to that pain fest!" Indeed.
I said I would never ever ever do another Ironman at the end of this race, but it is such an awesome experience that once I was able to walk normally again (at least 1-2 weeks later), I decided that I'd probably give it another shot and try to shave a few hours off my time if I can rehab my knee successfully. We shall see. To all who supported me before, during, and after the race thank you. To Jessica T for supporting me during training and my injury frustrations, thank you so very much. Had I thought finishing was more than just a pipe dream leading up to race day, I would have had you out there in a heartbeat. You were in my thoughts throughout the day regardless. To any readers still left at this point, thank you for being patient and tolerant of my verbose and rambling narrative. And if you have the desire, YOU WILL DO THIS!
I have always loved playing sports and always had a passion for running. Once I got to college I kept pounds off by playing IM sports but otherwise I wasn't racing. Once out of school, I started working and began to feel my metabolism start to slow down. I wasn't eating all that great, and sitting at a desk all day wasn't doing my physique any favors. I did happen to be working with a group of dudes who shared my passion for getting outdoors and maximizing the little free time we had to try cool stuff like whitewater rafting, mountain biking, snowboarding, etc. And that's precisely when the triathlon bug bit me. Our group decided to try our hand at an Olympic distance triathlon, and despite probably being a tad under trained (I cramped during most of the run), we all finished and loved the experience. Maybe it was the fierce competitor in me, but I knew I wanted to keep going with it. I did a few more races, spent way too much money on gear, and dove right into triathlon culture. Our group even made t-shirts calling ourselves the High Sigma crew (a nod to statistical outliers) with a quote from Desiree Ficker, a pro triathlete on the back: "If it's hurting us, it's killing them". It wasn't long before I was DVRing NBC's coverage of the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii and asking myself if it was sane to think about finishing an Ironman myself. This video answered that question for me:
So it came to pass that in 2009 I signed up for Ironman Arizona 2010, knowing that I was committing to something that took extraordinary training and mental toughness. Mentally I was ready, but in early 2010 problems started to surface physically. I had been getting my weekly long bike rides up to 80-100 miles and my long runs up to about 16 miles. Then pain struck me in my right kneecap. I couldn't run more than a mile without feeling the inside of my right knee rubbing on cartilage. I battled this problem by reducing my running, stretching, foam rolling, seeing a plethora of doctors, getting MRIs, seeing a PT, etc until I had exhausted just about everything. The knee problems would sometimes seem to go away a little bit, only to return. Further into the year I began to also have problems with my lower back and glutes, pain around my sacrum, and what felt like a nerve entrapment near the adductor canal in my right leg. MRIs, neurological tests, and ultrasounds came back clear. There's a story worth telling here about finding out what I believe may be the crux of the issues and something that I am potentially on the verge of solving in the next couple of weeks, but I will leave that for later. Suffice it to say that 2.5 months prior to the Ironman, I quit biking and running altogether. I was swimming regularly to keep some level of fitness, but I did not believe that would be enough to carry me through the Ironman distance in the allotted 17 hour time frame.
Because I had already paid the entry fee, the flight, and the lodging out in Tempe, AZ, I decided I would at least head out there to support my training teammates and experience the swim portion of the race. I also had a rollover for bike shipping so I figured I would use it to send my bike out there and maybe bike part of the course. When I arrived in Tempe on Thursday morning, the weather was fantastic. It was a little chillier than it had been in prior weeks and getting pretty cold at night, but there were no clouds to be found. In the sun it was warm and the air was crisp. I thought this boded well for race day. I would be wrong of course.
I happened to share a flight with some of my teammates, including Travis M. who graciously gave me a ride back to the condo I had secured a room at. My condo mates were Chris G., Kevin B., and Veronica C. I absolutely could not have asked for better roomies, especially for my first IM. Kevin and Veronica were seasoned IMers, and although Chris was a first timer like me, he is one of the most meticulous planners I have ever met. Any concerns or questions I had about the race or stuff leading up to the race could be answered in full by these guys. As an added bonus, there were tons of other great Austinites who were hanging around or in our condo as well. Guys like Kevin R., Amit B., Brian R., Eric C., Matt R., John J., etc etc. We registered, bought IM gear, shared stories, ate meals of food, grabbed last minute gear, took some team pictures, and so forth from Thursday to Saturday evening. Our condo at Dorsey was also about a mile away from the race start, so logistically things were about perfect leading up to the race. Well everything except my bum knee that was still bothering me even though I hadn't been running or biking much at all. I actually woke up on Friday with some soreness in my left (other) knee, which I think must have just been from sleeping on it wrong somehow. In my head I remember thinking that there was no way I could finish an Ironman with these problems going on, and yet I knew I would be so disappointed if I did not because everyone around me was going to finish and cherish the experience. Still, overall my spirits were high as the atmosphere around IMAZ was awesome. The pre race banquet the night before the race featured an 80 year old nun, Sister Madonna Buder, who would be attempting to create a new age group by finishing. The pro field was stacked with big name triathletes. I even won some sweet sunglasses from Tribe Multisport, a great tri shop in Scottsdale. By Saturday night though, things were getting quiet and introspective all around me.
I woke up easily at the scheduled 3AM wakeup call. The race start wasn't until 7AM, but there was still food and hydration to be had, "special needs" bags to be dropped off, and various other last minute preps. We awoke to 48 degree temperatures outside, which for someone like me who HATES the cold, was a real punch in the gut. Water temps would only be about 60 degrees for our 2.4 mile swim. I had swum in 55 degree temps or so at Escape From Alcatraz, but that was with a full wetsuit. I also had brain freeze headaches for a few minutes at Alcatraz even with a neoprene cap. I had only brought my sleeveless wetsuit to Tempe because my old full suit was pretty much toast and the water temps had been much warmer even a week or two before. This made for a brutal start. We were shouted at to "GET IN THE WATER!" several minutes before the starting pistol went off due to the nature of the mass start where everyone began in the water. My energy was already being depleted before the gun went off. I don't recall getting brain freeze headaches, but perhaps it was because my goggles were leaking at the start and I was so focused on fixing that. I managed to reduce the leak just before the gun went off, which was a huge relief. Multiple miles of swimming without vision, in a sea of 2000+ other humans crammed into a tight river, would have been a nightmare. It really ended up being somewhat of a nightmare anyway, just a little less so! Although I had experienced tight swimming conditions in other races, nothing compared to the washing machine at IMAZ. I was literally kicked, clawed, and punched repeatedly for the first 10 minutes of the swim. Some of the claw marks were visible for days. I was somewhat mentally prepared for it after hearing stories from others about the "washing machine", but I still underestimated the energy that it took to fight people off and keep a straight line. When we hit turn buoys, the crowd would bunch up again, trying to keep their swim distance as efficient as possible and creating the same havoc experienced at the start. When I found open water in the first half of the swim, I felt great. I was focusing on my form and trying to remind myself to not swim too hard. By the time I had reached the turnaround of the swim (it was an out and back), I started to feel the effects of all the fighting. I was more tired than I expected to be after swimming less than 1.5 miles. But I wasn't going to stop, so I just kept swimming. By the 2 mile mark I really felt the need to pee but for some reason couldn't get it out while swimming and I wasn't going to stop in the sea of swimmers. I was also starting to feel the bite of the cold as I tired. Once I saw the swim finish I was definitely ready to be out of the water. I hoisted myself out, and that's when my first REAL troubles began.
I don't remember the wetsuit stripping, but it certainly happened, and I immediately began shaking and shivering. It was so bad that I couldn't talk normally and my arms were actually cramping. A volunteer helped me into the changing tent which felt 10 degrees warmer and that started to help me a little bit. Thankfully this volunteer helped me gather my bike gear as my teeth chattered and I shook Pure Sport all over my face/chest. Looking back, I may have been a little bit hypothermic. It took me over 20 minutes to transition from the swim to bike, which is an eternity in just about any race. But I wanted to see how far I could bike, so I finally got out of the damn tent.
I began the 112 miles on the bike at a really slow pace, not only to test my knee but also to rehydrate and get some calories in. For some odd reason (the cold perhaps?) my legs started cramping about 2 miles out on the bike. I got off the bike, stretched a little bit and took some salt/electrolyte pills. After a minute or two I got back on and fought off the cramps for a couple miles until they mostly went away for good. My knee felt a little funny for the first loop of the bike (each loop was about 37-38 miles) but by the second loop it felt fine. I never really noticed it after the first loop, which I never expected. It was a mini race day miracle. It did start raining on the first loop however, which just made me laugh. Here we were in the desert, where it almost never rains, and it was f**king raining? We had perfect skies for days prior to the race and after the race, but of course not on actual race day. A mean headwind was also developing on the return portion of the bike loop. Bikers were gritting their teeth on the opposite side of the road and I knew it would soon be my turn. I took care to stop at most of the aid stations so I could stretch my legs for a second and take in some more calories. I knew the stretches would be needed for these legs that hadn't biked 100+ miles in several months. I also knew I had to eat several thousand calories on the bike so I just kept eating every few miles. I hate gels and stuck to solid foods (bars, bananas, oranges, sandwiches, chips, trail mix, etc) and that worked perfectly for me. That theme pretty much stayed true throughout my race. I more or less nailed nutrition by being consistent and eating foods I normally would in my everyday routine. I also threw in salt pills, salty foods, and some Ironman Perform drink they had at the aid stations whenever I felt like the cramps might be about ready to roar back.
I was pumped when I finished the first loop, especially as the crowd was so awesome back in town. Coach Mo, Kevin R, Kevin B, Chris Sellers, Jan, and a host of others were there shouting at me to keep going hard. It absolutely made a difference in my effort and motivation. This was key, because the second loop did soon begin to give me physical trouble. My legs started to really ache at about the 50 mile mark. No matter, I expected this and I suspected that barring some knee problem or unforeseen collapse that I could finish the bike. I kept doing pace calculations in my head, and I was pretty certain that I could make the bike cutoff at 5:30pm if things didn't totally fall apart. I was stopping at every aid station at this point to try to release the tightness in my legs, use the bathroom (#1 only for me all day, thankfully...those portas get gnarly), etc. It was costing me time, but I figured in order to beat the cutoff I needed to stave off major cramps and other big problems that could cost me more time later. The headwind really SUCKED on the way back in on the second bike loop. I'm guessing I was averaging around 10-12mph on that portion (left the bike computer at home of course), which felt like I was moving through mud. Once again though, when I hit the crowd at the end of the second loop I got a boost of adrenaline/energy/optimism and I mouthed to Kevin R, "one more, here we go, one more". I headed back out on the final loop, and there were scores of people finishing their third loop but I shook that off. I had to focus on me.
I wanted to push a little bit hard on the third loop to make sure I beat the bike cutoff, but also to see if I could make it in by 5 PM which would give me about 7 hours to do the marathon. I knew speed walking a marathon could be done in under 7 hours. It was at that point that I realized finishing the entire Ironman was in the realm of possibility. Despite my legs, back, and other body parts feeling completely destroyed, I found a way to push that third loop pretty aggressively. I made very quick stops at a couple of the aid stations on the way out of town, but support was thinning out too. I saw fewer and fewer bikers around me. It got pretty desolate out in the desert near the turn around point. The turn around point also seemed further on the third loop than any other. As I hit the turn around and started coming back, I saw some trucks picking up stuff from the race site and preparing to sweep competitors off the course. Yup, the cutoff was getting close for those still not at the turn around. I was PISSED when I saw that the bike special needs station had closed despite me being there well before the sag wagons started picking people up. I really wanted another couple bites of my PB and honey sandwich. Oh well, it just made me push even harder. I came in to the bike finish, with a big group of supporters still cheering me on, at about 5PM on the nose. I had just under 7 hours to do the marathon and I would be an Ironman.
My bike-run transition was on the slow side as I used the bathroom, changed, got some more fluids, and made sure I didn't cramp putting on my shoes and running shorts. But then I was off. I had my Polar watch and footpod so I could track my pace and distance. I noticed right away that a brisk walk put me at about a 13-14 minute mile pace. I also noticed that any attempt at running hurt my right knee in the same tender spot and also provoked pain on the outside of my left knee which must have been due to those muscles being undertrained for a 112 mile bike ride and subsequent run/jog. I could hobble jog for about 10 steps before the pain was too much to bear. I figured I was better off speed walking the whole marathon unless I absolutely needed to hobble jog. I just had to keep moving at that pace because there wasn't much cushion between my estimated finish time and the midnight cutoff.
Now, I am not a marathoner, but I have certainly run my fair share of miles. And I never thought much of walking as an exercise. BUT, I can tell you that walking a marathon is one of the hardest things I have ever done. Granted it was after all that swimming and biking, but I think even a standalone walk-marathon could be very very challenging physically and MENTALLY. The first 8-9 mile loop (of 3 run loops total) was not too difficult, just LONG. Due to fatigue and occasional aid station stops for fluids/calories my pace dropped to 15-16 minutes per mile by the end of the first loop. My first loop took about 2 hours and 20 minutes. That is a long time to be walking, especially on a day of intense exercise that started 12 hours prior. And I knew I had 2 more loops like that to go. It was dark by the end of my first loop. Many competitors were already finishing their entire marathon/Ironman. I knew I had 4+ hours of this still to go. I saw Veronica C briefly at the beginning of my second run loop (the start of her third loop) and that gave my morale a slight boost. We chatted briefly until she shot back off into the night. Then I noticed I was starting to feel pain on the bottom of my feet and toes. Blisters perhaps. SHIT! I had forgotten to Body Glide or double-sock my feet. This would turn out to be a huge mistake. Every step I took began to reverberate in my knees and my feet. But I still had miles and miles to go. I kept passing aid stations and the volunteers, God bless them, were absolutely awesome and helpful, but they also kept saying "Good job! You're almost done!". Of course I knew that I really wasn't almost done. I would see them again in a couple hours (if they hadn't already left for the comfort of their homes yet). It was very tough mentally to block out negatives that kept popping up in my head. To counteract these thoughts I kept telling myself (sometimes out loud): "You're going to finish this thing. You're going to gut this thing out no matter what. You're going to be a f**king Ironman"
It was about that time too, as I crossed one of the bridges, that Coach Mo and Dr Sellers found me and were telling me "just keep moving, you can finish this". They'd cross over the course at the myriad of bridges I was traversing to find me every few miles and give me mental support. I wasn't able to verbalize it to them at the time, but it meant the world to me during the race. By the end of the second loop, the aid station workers that dressed up as Reno 911 characters were just assholes to me. They were funny/entertaining on the first loop of course. But their grilled hamburgers and beers were making me consider what was to be had by quitting this long journey in progress. Also giving me fits was the fact that the run special needs people had handed me my bag (not the items inside) and I had been carrying the stupid plastic bag full of stuff in my hand for the entire second loop. It had clothing items I didn't want to throw away so I was forced to carry the damn thing for several hours until I came back around to shove it back in the damn dropoff box. At the end of the second loop and the beginning of the third loop, my body and mind were shattered but I had 2 hours and 45 minutes before the midnight cutoff. I stopped for a second to make sure I wanted to go for that last loop. Then I started my speed walk for one last loop, with no competitors in sight and the sounds of Ironmen finishing behind me.
The third loop was all mental. I now know what "mind over matter" truly means. It's not a bullshit colloquialism to me anymore. Every step of that third run loop hurt me. Each time I put my foot forward on the ground, the racquetball sized blisters on my feet and heels made it feel like someone was lighting my feet on fire. My knees and quads had been toasted several hours prior. By putting my feet one in front of the other, despite the pain, I was able to get to a place where the pain no longer registered in my mind in the same way. It was bizarre. I could still feel all those spots, but my brain accepted that the signals weren't going to be heeded. I wasn't stopping now. I was mildly worried about making the time cutoff, given that any need to stop could kill the 20 minutes or so of cushion I had with my pace. In one dark corner of the course, when no one was within sight of me, I actually peed into the bushes while continuing to walk. That's how committed I was to finishing. I walk-peed because I didn't want to stop for 1 minute at the porta!!! Do what you gotta do, right? With several miles still to go (which was 45 minutes to an hour time-wise at my pace) I saw Chris G. working his way through the last mile or so of his Ironman. I was really glad to know that he was about to be an Ironman finisher. He certainly worked his ass off for it. I ventured for the last time through the dark, hilly neighborhood with about 3 miles to go, and my only companions were my thoughts. I thought about my grandmother who used to live out here in AZ but passed away too young. I wished she could see my finish and wondered if in some sense she could. The thought of her, if not some spirit of her, gave me some comfort and motivation for the final push. There were few spectators left on this part of the course, but just before the Reno 911 aid station with about 2 miles to go, Coach Mo and Dr Sellers once again appeared. Heck yeah, thanks guys, you were right, I was going to finish this.
As I got back into the lights of downtown Tempe, passed the ASU stadium, and neared the winding path from the back of the expo to the street where the finish chute sat, I began to ready myself for the final push. I wanted to see if I could run (jog) through the finish chute. Nope, knees were saying no. Then I got to the street with the chute around the corner, I could hear the crowd yelling, my eyes were welling up with tears, and I was thinking "screw the knees"! I started jogging, which was really just a gimpy shuffle, and turned the corner. There was the chute, 50 meters ahead. The crowd was unbelievable, still packed to the brim on both sides of the chute. My vision blurred from the adrenaline and I started pumping my fists and shouting "YEEEEEEAAAAAAAH!!!!!" "YEEEEEAAAAHHHH!!!!". I crossed the line. I. WAS. AN. IRONMAN! I sort of blacked out as I finished. I remember seeing teammates, Chris, the Kevins, Veronica, Coach Mo, Dr Sellers all sort of at once and in a blur. I wanted to high five them all but I also had to take my finisher photo, get my finisher gear, and get off my legs. The whole thing was a whirlwind. It was bad-freaking-ass.
Post race I received some killer attention from a volunteer/PT, Larry J. Within 5 minutes I was so stiff I could barely walk, but he loosened me up enough to get back to the car where the roomies so patiently waited. Larry J, if you ever read this, thank you again for the post race treatment and I think it's cool that we shared similar Ironman finishing stories/times. Also thank you roomies and supporters for waiting for my finish despite being completely exhausted yourselves. I took 16 hours, 41 minutes, and 15 seconds, a time which beat the cutoff by less than 20 minutes. It was a journey that I will cherish for a lifetime. Whenever something difficult comes up, I'll say to myself "yeah, this sucks, but you finished an Ironman...this is a piece of cake compared to that pain fest!" Indeed.
I said I would never ever ever do another Ironman at the end of this race, but it is such an awesome experience that once I was able to walk normally again (at least 1-2 weeks later), I decided that I'd probably give it another shot and try to shave a few hours off my time if I can rehab my knee successfully. We shall see. To all who supported me before, during, and after the race thank you. To Jessica T for supporting me during training and my injury frustrations, thank you so very much. Had I thought finishing was more than just a pipe dream leading up to race day, I would have had you out there in a heartbeat. You were in my thoughts throughout the day regardless. To any readers still left at this point, thank you for being patient and tolerant of my verbose and rambling narrative. And if you have the desire, YOU WILL DO THIS!
December 1, 2010
What Took You So Damn Long?
HELLO WORLD, first post here, it is long overdue. I have been itching to do this for awhile now, to put up a blog and make time now and then to write about some of the important things rattling around in my brain, going on in the world, or merely taking place in my little personal sphere. It feels good to have a place to get my thoughts out into the cloud, if for no other reason than to maintain a working archive of all my thoughts and major life experiences. I think it makes a lot of sense to have one's own place to do so.
This will probably be a space for a huge mishmash of topics, both in my life and outside of it. There are a number of pretty complex topics that I hope to spend multiple posts addressing, and it is my hope that I'll find some smart people to engage in discussion on these topics. My job in the real world is investment analyst at a buy side investment firm so I spend a lot of time analyzing change and future outlooks in business, economics, government, and sociology. A lot of what I think about and would like to write about involves intersections of these topics as well as other broad areas such as energy policy, technology, education/training, health, and religion. I'll even have some personal posts about my own life because hey, it IS my blog after all.
Tying all these posts together will be some core beliefs/characteristics of mine. One, I am an optimist who believes in change, progress, and the collective capacity of the human race. I have recently been reading Matt Ridley's "The Rational Optimist" and it has certainly reinforced these ideals. More thoughts on ideas from that specific read later. Second, I value problem solving and problem solvers. I do not value idealists who can't reason or change their position when new facts are presented. One of my favorite quotes is from John Maynard Keynes, who said: "When the facts change, I change my mind. What do you do sir?" We all come to our own deeply held beliefs in life via circumstances largely out of our control: where we were born, what religion our parents/community have embraced, the organizations that taught/trained us, who we made friends with, etc. It is hard to challenge deeply ingrained opinions, but we MUST do so in order to progress as individuals and as a species. If I ever attract any commentators here, I want to foster an environment of civility and careful, clear thinking. Ideas may be attacked, but not people. This just may be an unusual and refreshing change from a lot of the mainstream "discussion" circles out there.
Thus it begins. Hopefully I am able to post as frequently as I would like.
"The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep. " - Robert Frost
This will probably be a space for a huge mishmash of topics, both in my life and outside of it. There are a number of pretty complex topics that I hope to spend multiple posts addressing, and it is my hope that I'll find some smart people to engage in discussion on these topics. My job in the real world is investment analyst at a buy side investment firm so I spend a lot of time analyzing change and future outlooks in business, economics, government, and sociology. A lot of what I think about and would like to write about involves intersections of these topics as well as other broad areas such as energy policy, technology, education/training, health, and religion. I'll even have some personal posts about my own life because hey, it IS my blog after all.
Tying all these posts together will be some core beliefs/characteristics of mine. One, I am an optimist who believes in change, progress, and the collective capacity of the human race. I have recently been reading Matt Ridley's "The Rational Optimist" and it has certainly reinforced these ideals. More thoughts on ideas from that specific read later. Second, I value problem solving and problem solvers. I do not value idealists who can't reason or change their position when new facts are presented. One of my favorite quotes is from John Maynard Keynes, who said: "When the facts change, I change my mind. What do you do sir?" We all come to our own deeply held beliefs in life via circumstances largely out of our control: where we were born, what religion our parents/community have embraced, the organizations that taught/trained us, who we made friends with, etc. It is hard to challenge deeply ingrained opinions, but we MUST do so in order to progress as individuals and as a species. If I ever attract any commentators here, I want to foster an environment of civility and careful, clear thinking. Ideas may be attacked, but not people. This just may be an unusual and refreshing change from a lot of the mainstream "discussion" circles out there.
Thus it begins. Hopefully I am able to post as frequently as I would like.
"The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep. " - Robert Frost
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)